5 ways to support a transgender loved one through gender-affirming health care

As a friend or family member, you’ll do what’s necessary to show up for your loved one when they need you. If your loved one is transgender, there may be times when they need your support and guidance — and one of those times may be as they search for and receive gender-affirming health care.

Gender-affirming care is designed to affirm and support a person’s gender identity (how they view themselves as female, male, a mix of both or neither) when it doesn’t correspond with the sex they were assigned at birth.

Seeking out and using gender-affirming care can be different from other types of health care, which is why it’s important that transgender people feel safe and cared for by health care providers dedicated to providing compassionate, gender-affirming care.

You can play a role in helping your friend or family member navigate this journey. This starts with educating yourself on what gender-affirming care is — then stepping up to support your loved one in accessing the care they need to be happy and healthy.

Here are five ways to support a transgender loved one through gender-affirming care.

1. Get educated about gender-affirming health care.

"The purpose of gender-affirming care is to help transgender people engage socially, interpersonally and biologically in a way that aligns with their gender identity. This helps them go about their life feeling comfortable with who they are," says Katherine Rose, MD, a plastic and reconstructive surgeon at Main Line Health.

Gender-affirming care can help improve a person’s quality of life and reduce mental health concerns like depression and anxiety. It can also reduce suicidal thoughts.

There are many forms of gender-affirming health care, including social, behavioral, psychological and medical interventions. These include:

• Counseling
• Medication
• Cosmetic treatments, like laser hair removal
• Voice therapy
• Fertility care and family planning
• Surgery

What kind of care your loved one needs depends on their individual situation, such as their age and desired outcomes.

2. Ask your loved one what they need from you.

One of the best ways to support your trans loved one is simple: Ask them what they need instead of making assumptions. They might want your input on certain decisions, or they might want some space to navigate their care on their own. Either way, by asking what they need and truly listening, you can be supportive without overstepping.

Your loved one’s needs can change over time, too. Be sure to check in with them from time to time to see how they’re doing and what they need from you.

3. Help your loved one find health care providers that provide compassionate and knowledgeable gender-affirming care.

Having a supportive and skilled care team is crucial for everyone, and this is especially true for those seeking gender-affirming care.

"Many transgender people are hesitant to seek health care services, both routine and critical," says Dr. Rose. "To help, there are additional considerations health care providers should be well-versed in, such as using preferred names and pronouns and avoiding making assumptions about a person’s identity."

By helping your loved one find health care providers that are sensitive to their needs, they can feel comfortable and cared for. At Main Line Health, our priority is to make everyone feel respected and safe. Our Gender Care Program works with providers and support staff across our health system to ensure our patients’ needs are met. For instance, we adjusted our electronic medical record system to promote the use of a person’s chosen name and their correct pronouns.

4. Advocate for and support your loved one if they face discrimination.

While no one should ever have to encounter discrimination, it’s possible that your trans loved one might find themselves feeling unsupported by others when it comes to their gender identity.

"You can play a role in advocating for them. For instance, if someone keeps using the wrong pronouns for your loved one, you may want to correct that person either in the moment or at another time," says Dr. Rose. "Be sure to check with your loved one to ensure they’re okay with you saying something."

If your loved one expresses any concerns about their health care provider, encourage them to switch to someone who provides compassionate gender-affirming care. If they want to file a complaint (which can be submitted anonymously), you can support them through this process.

5. Respect your loved one’s decisions.

While you want what’s best for your loved one, you may not be the best person to determine what that is. Only your loved one — along with the support from their health care team and you — can decide what kind of gender-affirming care they need.

No matter what kind of care they receive, be respectful and supportive of their decisions. Let them know you love them no matter what, and you’ll always be in their corner as they navigate gender-affirming care and the rest of their life as a transgender person.

Next steps:

Schedule an appointment with Katherine Rose, MD
Schedule an appointment with an LGBTQ+ specialist
5 ways to be a good LGBTQ+ ally